I wept quietly today as my children played in their rooms and I unloaded the dishwasher praying for peace and answers. A woman I only knew for a season passed on yesterday after a short but horrific battle with cancer. I wept as I remembered the first time I met her and how her words now echoed to me.
It was Christmas tyme in Aledo and I had been patting myself on the back for bringing my sweet small children to this festival
all by myself. We were having a blast. It was almost time to go and the kids wanted ride on the wagon as a last activity for the night. I waited in line with them both squirming wiggling and impatient. I recognized Rebecca from school. She had been hired as part-time English teacher to help our struggling students. I reintroduced myself and began a conversation I would never forget.
I introduced my little children again with pride that I was handling them by myself at this event. She told me about her FOUR beautiful children and I said in amazement, "FOUR" " You know Pregnancy can be prevented right"? jokingly of course. Her response, " I know, each of them was conceived after my husband returned from deployment" " each of them is a special blessing, each has their own story and purpose" She went on to explain how she took them on a cross country trip to different ball parks the year before..... FOUR... ALL FOUR. I was astounded amazed and a little ashamed that only moments before I had been so full of pride that I was able to handle my 2 at this little Christmas carnival. FOUR. She continued, "When I look at them I see pieces of myself and my husband, the perfect pieces. I see their strength and their Godly purpose on this earth." Heavy stuff for a wagon ride. She told my about Devin returning from his last deployment and surprising Walker at the Ranger game. I was amazed, I was
AT that game I watched their reunion and shed tears over this family that I did not yet know. Amazing. Strange, how some one's life intersects with your own. She told me about the recent christian concert she had just been to and how awe inspiring it was. Everything about her sparkled, her eyes, her tiny frame. You have moments in life when you know you have met one of God's angels, that was one of those moments. She took a picture of my children and me on the wagon and it has been hanging on my fridge since December. When I look at that picture I do not think of
our faces, I think of the wonderful precious woman that took the picture and how that small short encounter changed me.
Only one short month later we became aware of her illness and I prayed and struggled daily with WHY. Why God would want one of his shepherds to struggle and feel such pain. I was uplifted by her words on
caring bridge. How backwards that the one that had Cancer, the one that was ill, was the one that was lifting ME up. It was HER struggle yet it was felt by all in this small community and ALL that knew this firecracker. I prayed for peace and hoped my prayers were heard. I prayed for rest and comfort. I prayed. I will not pretend that I knew her long, no, I was not that fortunate. I will not pretend that I was able to do what I feel was enough, but I prayed. I have no doubt that she is joyful and singing praises now as she rests with the father. It is not for her that I mourn. It is not even for her sweet children that I mourn, I know they have her strength and that of the Lord. I mourn for those that never knew her, never experienced her splendor...even if just for a short wagon ride.
Tonight as I tuck them in tight I say a prayer that is was enough, and pray for the season that is to come. I pray that I loved, cuddled, and cared enough. One thing I do know is that long after these memories of childhood summers have faded in their mind, those moments will always remain in mine.
